But Don’t We Need to Control What Happens to Achieve Our Goals and Be Happier?
Trying to Control Situations Sets You Up to Be Disappointed and Unhealthy
Studies show that having and achieving goals, such as doing well in school or in a relationship, does make you happier. But that is not the same thing as being overly controlling of outcomes. When you obsess about achieving certain outcomes—and that desire to achieve outcomes controls you—then that is an “obsessive passion.”
Since life is uncertain, trying to overly control outcomes sets you up for disappointment. Also, one study found that when people are put in situations in which they have lower control than they would like, their blood pressure goes up. When life doesn’t go according to plan—which happens regularly of course—those high in need for control suffer more.
When You Are Driven to Control, Your Are More Likely to Take Risks and Give Up Things That Make You Happy
And the need for control—whether over others or certain outcomes–affects your decisions negatively. People who are making an effort to overly control situations are more likely to take risks. They are also more likely to fall prey to the illusion of control—believing that they have more control over a situation than they actually do. For example, studies show they are likely to lose more money in gambling. Also, when you are driven to control outcomes, you are less likely to be happy overall. When you want something so much (a job, for example) you might give up other things that make you happy (a relationship, for example). At least one study has shown that being obsessed about getting something impacts your physical and emotional health negatively, including your relationships.
Our Advice: Learn to Let Go!
In the advice developed by HealthType LLC, we offer guidance to mentally prepare to let go of control, especially if you have a “judging” personality preference. The MyHappyAvatar™ web app guides you through some hurdles that can pave the way to greater happiness.
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